Dear Diary,

It’s funny, isn’t it? How people tend to write in their diary like they’re talking to a real person? Just like I’m doing right now. I guess that’s what some people need every now and then. Just like I feel the need to talk to someone right now. I can’t though, nobody can now this, so please keep it a secret. The thing is.. well.. I’m sorry. I even feel nervous writing it down, but I want to write everything in here, reflect my feelings, so no erasing it when I doubt or don’t know how to write it down. My ehmm, well, my brother is here. Doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, right? Well, actually, it’s much more nerve-wrecking than you might think. He.. Let’s say he isn’t the nicest person in the world. It’s not his fault though, I’ll try to explain it to you.

My brother and I once had a really good bond, I remember him being there for me, wanting to protect me, though I maybe should have been the one to protect him. Our father wasn’t the best man himself, he abused my brother, something that could have stopped if I would look at the world around me a little more. But no. I was dumb enough to think our father was the sweetest man in the world, that he.. he wouldn’t even hurt a fly. If I would just have seen what happened I could’ve done something about it. I could have protected my brother. It didn’t go that way though. Here comes the turning-point. My brother and I went to a playground, I had a pretty good time, I liked it there. As the result, I didn’t want to go home with my brother when we had to. I ran away, tripped over a loose stone and fell. As the sweet and caring brother he was, Spencer took care of it when we were home. The thing is, I just couldn’t lie to my father, I told him what happened when he asked me and right there he took it out on Spencer. It was horrifying to see my father turn into such a monster. I tried to comfort my brother, I felt bad because he looked sad, broken. I guess he couldn’t handle it, it being my fault he got beaten up that day he angrily shoved me out of his room. That was only the beginning,

It’s not his fault he hurts me, it’s because I have hurt him. He terrifies me even though I know I actually deserve it all. That’s why I don’t hate him. Even if I wouldn’t deserve it, I couldn’t possibly hate him. He’s my brother and I love him, I just can’t.. *Tear stains*