Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death
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Ronodan .....
PROFILE Real Name : Aylan Posts : 1167 Points : 0
MAGICIAN ✦ CHARACTER ✦ Magic: Lucht, beetje aangeleerd vuur Klas: none Partner: Leave me breathless...
Onderwerp: Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death di jun 30 2015, 22:27
Ik was er nooit een voor het bijhouden van een dagboek. Heb ik ook nooit gedaan. De chaos maande me tot rust. Het leerde me denken. Complete stilte maakt gek... Maar wanneer je niemand meer hebt om je gedachten mee te delen, dan begon je tegen jezelf te praten. En dan kom je erachter dat je misschien niet zo'n goede luisteraar was als je wel niet dacht te zijn. Het is moeilijk om logica te houden in een hoofd dat overstroomt. Fragmenten uit het verleden beginnen samen te vallen met beelden uit het heden totdat de scheidingslijn zo dun is dat je niet meer weet wanneer je leeft. Of je leeft. De dag dat pijn niet langer prikkels stuurt naar je hersenen maar je op de grond laat liggen. Verlamd en vergeten. Ik denk niet dat ik deze woorden bewaar. Niemand hoeft ze te lezen. Dit zal ongetwijfeld straks direct het vuur in gaan. Dan maakt het verder ook niet meer uit wat ik opschrijf.
Waar ik gek van wordt is niet het feit dat ik je niet kan vinden. Ik ga er niet vanuit dat jij nog ergens hier bent. Het is de onwetendheid, dat raadselachtige dat eigenlijk altijd om je heen heeft gehangen. De laatste keer dat ik je zag was je niet meer dan een schim geweest. De scharlaken rode blinddoek zal wel nooit uit mijn geheugen verdwijnen. Soms zie ik hem nog als ik mijn ogen sluit. Het was mijn laatste verbinding met de buitenwereld. Daarna werd ik blind, doof en stom. Ik weet ook niet wat ik gezegd zou hebben tegen je als we elkaar wel weer hadden gezien daarna. Verwijten maken, daar was het te laat voor. Dat had ook geen zin meer. Misschien is het ook maar beter dat we elkaar niet gezien hebben. Die laatste blik had meer kunnen zeggen dan we misschien hadden gewild. Zelfs toen gaven we het niet toe. Alleen maar strak voor je uit blijven kijken. Wat ik er wel niet voor had gegeven om dat zwijgende houten blok weg te trappen, mijn vleugels te spreiden en een storm op te roepen dat de hele stad zou hebben weggevaagd. Maar mijn benen voelde vastgeroest. Ik had de kracht niet die ik nu wel heb. Waarom kan ik dat beeld niet loslaten? Kan ik jou niet loslaten? Vergeef je me voor al onze ruzies? Onze littekens. Ik weet niet of ik dit nog lang volhoud op deze manier. Ik voel mijn geest brokkelen. Hoe lang nog voor ik je niet meer herken? Ik had beter daar bij jou kunnen sterven...
Ronodan .....
PROFILE Real Name : Aylan Posts : 1167 Points : 0
MAGICIAN ✦ CHARACTER ✦ Magic: Lucht, beetje aangeleerd vuur Klas: none Partner: Leave me breathless...
Onderwerp: Re: Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death do jun 29 2017, 23:25
Let's go in the garden...
... you'll find something waiting. Right there where you left it.. lying upside down. When you finally find, you'll see how it's fading. The underside is lighter.. when you turn it around
Lezen op eigen risico:
I have to start this with the fact that I've never felt more stupid in my entire life. Even more so because I knew this would happen. I knew it and I let it happen anyway. I should've put more effort into warning Hal or had to see the flaws that Elva tried to point out weeks ago. And now.. we were stuck. Three solid walls, two tiny cracks which had to pass for windows and a long line of thick iron bars. Our new home. Great. Perfect. We were thrown in without any hesitation. Byr got kicked for not walking fast enough. And then they just left us. Okay, we were chained, but still. My first urge was to bust the entire place down. I could still use my magic after all but Hal stopped me. Saying something about guards being on every corner. We wouldn't get far. We just had to accept our defeat. I couldn't believe he said that. If my hands weren't tied on my back I was sure I would've hit him.... He was right though. But right or not I couldn't sit there waiting for death to come and collect my soul. Byr exploded in anger I've never seen in his eyes when I tried to made them see my point of view. And even Iðinn told me to shut up. We sat in silence for the rest of the night. I couldn't sleep.
The next day Ivan himself came to get us. He really enjoyed seeing us locked up. Asshole. We were brought to a dark room. No windows, just candles. We were lined up in front of him. I really wanted to wipe that smug grin from his face. I could take the insults and his pathetic effort to come across as intimidating. But when he set his eyes with that disgusting look on Elva I was done. I shouldn't have done it. But my body reacted faster than my mind. I kicked him. Right in the gut. Next thing I knew my head was smacked against the floor, his boot holding it down. Turns out Ivan was the cousin of Balrak, the lightning wielding maniac I took out a month before all this. It almost made me regret kicking him. After that it became a bit hazy. I remember him binding my feet together and hanging me upside down. After almost drowning me in ice water he left, taking the others with him while I went in for a second dive.
When I was thrown back into our cell only Byr was absent. I knew I wasn't in the best shape but the rest looked truly horrible. Elva sat curled up in the corner. Her eyes were red and her cheeks wet from the tears she was crying. Her clothes torn and ripped. I didn't need to ask what they had done to her. Hal was leaning silent against the wall. They had dislocated a few of his joints. Iðinn was silent as well although his face showed signs of crying. I already knew then and there he would break. I feared for Byr. He was brought to us a few hours later, soaked in blood and unconscious. We decided to try and get some sleep. We would need the energy if we wanted to survive the next day.
If I had thought our first day was bad, I clearly never tried to sleep on a filthy stone floor surrounded by rats with pain in places I never knew the existence before that day. I didn't sleep much that first night but I was not planning on giving up. As long as we didn't admit to anything they couldn't put us on trail. But it wouldn't be easy. Hours seemed eternal and I started to go mad of hunger. If being almost drowned to death wasn't bad enough, or the constant headache of the blood flowing to my head, they had decided they were sick of waiting. I guess the scars of the burning whip will be etched in my skin forever. But I didn't say a word. I couldn't. It felt like my body had begun to shut down. I kept blacking out. Eventually they dragged me back to the cell. I didn't notice if there were others and I would not have the energy to argue with them anyway. All I wanted was to sleep.
We woke up in what I thought was the middle of the night. Our cell was barely lit and I had lost all sense of time. The guards tried to keep us awake. I was already coming down with a fever and this didn't help. I actually wanted to die by now. My body felt like it couldn't take much anymore to begin with and it couldn't be worse than this nightmare. Byr had refrained from speaking after the first day. Elva had stopped crying... but only because she lost the energy to do so I think. Hal started to talk to himself. It really freaks me out. What have they done to him? We don't speak about the things that happened during the day. At least we got some food today. But I know it's only because we're not allowed to die yet.
I can't remember if it was day three of four. Maybe even longer. Since ice water didn't got me to talk they went straight to violence and mutilation. And what I feared the most since our arrival would come true today. The sharp, twisted blade smiled a sick and distorted grin to me when held up in the soft shine of the candles. I felt like throwing up. My wrists got tied firmly against a wooden pole and splinters terrorized my hands. Ivan himself wanted to do the honors. He pressed the cold blade against my face. As if he wanted to scare me with it. It was not him I was afraid of. It was the wingsaw he was holding. A device solely designed to cut off one's wings in the most gruesome and painful way imaginable. Slowly cutting through every muscle, every piece of bone and every nerve that attached the wing to the body. I could feel the cold sweat almost taking control over me. My heart was racing and I could hardly breathe while I tried to prepare myself... for something I couldn't possible prepare myself for. I waited... nothing happened. Ivan had walked away and I could hear him mumble something behind me. It felt like forever but I was untied and dragged back to the cell. One look around and I knew what had happened. To weak to walk, Hal helped me up and sat me down next to Iðinn. His hand were red and you could not see where the blood ended and his fingers began. They pulled out his fingernails one by one. Until he couldn't take it anymore. He broke. He sold us and himself out. He confessed. I wasn't mad at him. How could I be? We would not have lasted any longer ourselves. Part of me was even glad it was finally over. I felt empty. The fever was burning me up and I thought the pain would stay forever. And I imagined that this was what death feels like. Dark... and empty.
Next week is our trail before the court of the Emperor...
Everything stays, right where you left it. Everything stays, but it still changes. Ever so slightly, daily and nightly. In little ways... when everything stays.
Ronodan .....
PROFILE Real Name : Aylan Posts : 1167 Points : 0
MAGICIAN ✦ CHARACTER ✦ Magic: Lucht, beetje aangeleerd vuur Klas: none Partner: Leave me breathless...
Onderwerp: Re: Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death do sep 21 2017, 23:33
I must be such an inconvenience to you!
Well... I'm just your problem. It's like I'm not even a person, am I?
I remember the rain. I remember the sound it made, like drums on the wooden roof of the cottage. I believe it was that sound what woke me up. I stared at the ceiling for quite some time. In thought I felt paralyzed. I guess I was able to move, but my brain just couldn't be bothered. I remember a pain in my chest. It hit me with every breath I tried to suck in. Like my skin was burning. I didn't dare to move. I didn't even dare to think. I had no idea where I was. Just that I wished I was dead. It must've been hours before I first heard the creaking of the door. She was an older woman. Not in her face, but I could see it because of how she walked. She did not look at me, only muttered something about the rain. I wanted to sit up straight. To ask her where I was. Who she was. What had happened. But the moment I moved, I could only scream. Imagine to have your body pierced, burnt an ripped apart. Then you have a pretty good idea of how I felt. Now she looked up at me, spoke no words. She slowly raised her hand, her bony finger pointed at me. 'Don't you dare to move! Don't you damn dare! That's what she said. Her voice sounded thin and breakable, but her grip when she pushed me down on the bed again was inhuman. She walked away, and came back, not long after. She held something in her hand. What, that I could not see. With one hand she held me down, while the other forced something slimy, something bitter, down my throat. I swallowed. I had no choice. Every bit of strength I had used to fight her was gone. My thoughts became hazy. I know she was there. I suspected she was... examining me. I hope she was... At that point I couldn't care less what she was doing or who she was. I think I saw bandages but I'm not sure. She left... I was alone again in, what I thought was, her house. Whatever it was she gave me, it's effects slowly faded. The pain returned. Although less intense than before. With the pain, my sanity came back as well. When I lifted the blanket I saw my body covered in emergency bandages. My mind drew a complete blank though.
She came back every now and then. To check on me. But she never said much. A few times I heard her whisper to herself; Diu'ant'rah. He who sleeps below the earth. He who is the eater of souls. She was afraid om me, that much was clear. Diu'ant'rah, who asks a certain price from them who are foolish enough to serve him. He takes their limbs. He takes their magic. He takes the colour of their eyes... She would be no help. I tried to remember on my own.
After a few days I could walk around again. I found out her name was Damra. She lived somewhere on Agasta, Puffoons largest mountain. Hal had brought me to her. He had left me a note which Damra was hiding from me. Damra was a friend of Byr. She had no idea who I was, but was asked to help me since I was mortally wounded after a fight. It certainly explained the pain and the bandages. Struck down by lightning. I stayed a few more days, more out of necessity than free will. I felt useless. It would have been better if I actually had died. One day Damra told me to go. No explanation, no last words to finish treatment. Just... go. So I left. Without even looking at her. I think she felt relieved to see me go.
I remember the rain. I remember it's icy embrace when I stepped outside to start my search for the Ásatrú. Unforgiving, yet I had missed her. She kept me company. And now she was with me during my departure. The air is electric. She wants to destroy. To demolish. She's hungry. So am I...
I shouldn't have to justify what I do. I shouldn't have to prove anything to you. I'm sorry that I exist, I forgot what landed me on your black list. But I'm just your problem.
Ronodan .....
PROFILE Real Name : Aylan Posts : 1167 Points : 0
MAGICIAN ✦ CHARACTER ✦ Magic: Lucht, beetje aangeleerd vuur Klas: none Partner: Leave me breathless...
Onderwerp: Re: Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death ma sep 25 2017, 01:31
What will you do when they shoot your high horse.
Whatever happened to all of your rules. What will you do when you see me in the street. Will you see me?
This is not a nice one:
There will come a time when you have forgotten about your life. It starts with the little things. Names, numbers. There is only so much you can remember. And when you've reached that capacity? Things start to disappear. They slowly fade away into oblivion. The worst thing is that I can't remember his face. I can't remember the colour of his eyes. Where they blue? Brown? Did he have red hair like me, or was he blonde like…. Kris… Kra... Her. Did he have scars? Probably not, he was still so young, right? He was skinny. Or.. was that me? I know he was small for his age. Or was I just big for mine? It hurts. It hurts to close my eyes and see… nothing. I have nothing to remember him by. Not the smallest piece of evidence that he ever existed. He became one of the forgotten. Disappeared into thin air, leaving nothing behind but a spark to jot my memories every now and then. To let me know he was there. Once.
We weren't rich. That's an understatement. Even the farm we had wasn't ours. We lived in a small town. It was a quiet place. Market every Sunday afternoon. One bar. One temple. No schools. If you wanted to send your children of for a decent education you had to look elsewhere. Not that many of them were schooled. There was no money after all. We were a forgotten place. Except for the Raga. But this is not a lecture about the Raga. They do not deserve to share these pages with him. With Vidar. The only thing that is remaining of him. His name. We were one year apart… I think. He used to have to most crazy ideas and an insane talent for drawing. When only… five? He designed a tree house which our father build. He used to have big dreams. Then he would draw them, and hang them on the walls. The tree house walls were covered in his ideas, his thoughts and dreams. He wanted to be famous. Painting, designing, he didn't care what he ended up doing. As long as he could make money. Then we could all live in a house he created and only have to eat nice and sweet things. The delusions of a five year old. He never got to find out for himself the world doesn't work that way.
It was summer when he first fell ill. She… Kr.. our mother. She already had the sickness. The constant coughing became a well known sound within our walls. She was unable to get out of bed. So I went to the market for her. Vidar cared for her. We tried to find her a cure, or at least a doctor who could take look at her. But there was no money. There never was. And then Vidar became sick. It was after diner that I first heard him cough. I had become familiar with that death sound in the meantime. In our town already five people had died of the same symptoms. The moment they started to cough up blood, they were done for. My heart stopped for it was that same deviled cough. Like a sick joke that fate was playing with us. Our father quarantined both of them. Our mother, and him. I wasn't allowed near either of them. Locked in his room we couldn't even hear each other. That is when he created his own language. Hollow knocks, fast knocks, slow, rapid, with long pauses. It took me forever to decipher, but I worked my way through it. I sat there, every night. Three rapid knocks was “hello”. Two with a short pause was “how are you?” Until one day… I heard a new knock. One. Loud. Thump. Silence… I got up as fast as I could and ran to the kitchen where the keys to his room were. I dropped it… twice. With my hands shaking, my breath and heartbeat out of control and tears in my eyes I nearly broke the key of in the keyhole. I pushed the door open and froze. I instantly knew what the large thump meant in our secret code. “I died”
She, our mother. She knew the meaning of the large thump as well. She went several months later. The tree house stood empty after that. Until one night, the storm destroyed it. I was out that night. Looking at the night sky. To see how the wind took the drawings that were inside the tree house and as the purest snow, gave them a new home. He was seven. I am three hundred and fifty four...
This town, isn't big enough, for the ghost of us. There will not be place enough to hide away. People here will ask you where I am each day. This town.
Ronodan .....
PROFILE Real Name : Aylan Posts : 1167 Points : 0
MAGICIAN ✦ CHARACTER ✦ Magic: Lucht, beetje aangeleerd vuur Klas: none Partner: Leave me breathless...
Onderwerp: Re: Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death di feb 12 2019, 17:02
I was waiting for you all my life.
You didn't have to look my way. Your eyes still haunt me to this day. but you did..
You would have followed me to the end of the universe. You wouldn't even have questioned it. You would have stood by me until the very end of life itself. I know you would've. That is what I regret. It was never my place to ask such a big sacrifice of you. It was selfish of me to accept that devotion. I should've stopped you. But I couldn't. I wanted you near me. I needed you near me. As close as possible. To assure me what we did wasn't wrong. To remind me of my humanity and to keep me from losing my sanity. I betrayed you. I hurt you in ways you can't even comprehend. And I secretly hope you never will. I didn't come back out of guilt. If anything, the guilt would have pushed me as far away from you as possible. But this time.. you were the one that needed me. I had to be there for you. For however long it might've taken. I would have protected you for an eternity...
In those silent days I often found myself reminiscing the past. Our past. How I couldn't stand the very sight of you when we just met. It's hard to even think there was I time I absolutely despised you. Maybe I was just jealous. You were new with us. And you carried a lot of anger inside of you. Anger that you somehow fueled into energy.. which transformed into power. I was jealous of how easy everything came to you. How natural you were at almost everything you tried. Although I never realized how difficult everything really was. I was certain you felt the same hate towards me. Now I can finally laugh about how wrong I was back then. You showed me friendship that I had never experienced before. My hatred melted away.. and something new formed. Affection. I couldn't imagine not being with you anymore. You taught me how it felt to fly, even though I did not own any wings. My affection turned to love. I was scared to death you would find out. You would hate me again... I would lose you. Or so I thought. I never expected you to kiss me back the way you did.
I think back about how hard it was to keep everything a secret. How just looking at you could betray us. You were like a forbidden addiction I didn't want the cure to. It got easier eventually. Or we were just better at hiding it. But I remember those long nights. I loved to listen to every word you had to say. I loved your silence just as much. I'm sorry for the fights we had. And that it took me so long to finally see how pointless they were. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. You tried to warn me that we went to far. I was blind. By fury. By greed. I sacrificed us all. No... I sacrificed you all. That is the cruel part of the story. The point where I get to live and you all faded away. Forgotten. Simply.. names in a register. It torments me every day. It haunts me every night. There is no place.. not on any of the seven planets.. where I can find my peace. So all I can do is watch over you now. Keep you safe.
I hope you can forgive me. For cheating death yet again. For betraying you by marrying her. For having the family we never could have. For doing all the things I did after we were seperated. I came back for you. You know I could never truly leave you. You're a part of me. You always will be. Even as I am standing here now.. I somehow hope you are noticing my pressence. Maybe you can hear my heartbeat in there. Maybe you can hear my voice. The ice that withholds me from touching you cannot hold forever.. right? I hope I will still be around to see it. The moment when you open your eyes again. When I can see your smile again. But until that day comes.. I will guard you. I will watch over you and make sure you stay safe. I promise...
- Haraldur
Oh turpentine erase me whole. 'Cause I don't want to live my life alone. Set me free..
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Onderwerp: Re: Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death
Graveyard of memories || Journals, notes and reports of a scarlet death
Volledig in het thema van Valentijn staan er twee Events op het programma van de site. Beide zullen van start gaan vanaf 14 februari, dus houd de site zeker goed in de gaten.
Cupid Hearts: Verras vrienden of in game characters met een vrolijk hartje deze Valentijn. Met of zonder lief berichtje eraan vast. Anoniem of juist niet. Stuur je hartjes naar het account van Alpha.
Valentine's Dance:Vanaf 14 februari zal de grote zaal van de school omgetoverd worden tot een danszaal vol met eten, drinken en live muziek. Iedereen is welkom om aan dit algemene topic deel te nemen.
WINTER
Tijdens de winter is het terrein van de school in diepe rust. De meeste dieren zijn onvindbaar verscholen en de ijzige wind houd ook de leerlingen binnen. De perfecte tijd om met een kop warme choco naar de vallende sneeuw te kijken.